Day 6: The day I didn't have time to play

I didn't really have time for any meaningful play today so my entire experience can be summed up with the following picture and reaction.

Bitch you be crazy I ain't got dat' kind of cash.

Day 5: Manly Alligators

Yesterday I finally was able to fill out the mystical "Town Development Permit Form", Isabelle tells me that I'll have to wait a few days for processing to complete. Bureaucracy is wonderful! I'm certain that it won't fail me and everything will be completed in a timely manner.

 
 Before I had a chance to do anything this morning I noticed that someone had built a house next to mine. The gall of a person believing they have the right to move in next to their Mayor. I reside in an entirely different caste then the rest of the commoners and they belong on the other side of the river.

My new neighbour is Eugene, he seems like a pretty cool guy. Honestly I don't know why anyone would ever dislike him~

After meetings such a cool guy I bumped into Alfonso who told me that I was looking for a kiddie chair. I couldn't really remember ever mentioning that I was jonesing for a kids chair but I'll never look a gift gater' in the mouth.

I was genuinely touched by Alfonso's display of manly emotion. It reminded me that I have work to do so I told him to piss off and I decided to run back to the office and ask Isabelle what was going on.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Bureaucracy has saved the day once again! I now can freely build whatever I want!

I would never consider being a dictator! :I

Currently the town's only existing bridge is a tad out of the way so it would be beneficial, mostly to me, if it wasn't on the other goddamn side of the map.

It took a while but I finally found the best possible location (right in front of my house) for the new bridge. Once I decided on the location Isabelle showed me a familiar face. He calls himself Lloid. Lloid is a gyroid, you know those things buried underground. Well he apparently exists to collect donations and I assume he builds the damn thing himself. Colour me impressed.

Being the most magnanimous Mayor in all of history I donated a large sum towards the construction of the bridge. I did some initial rounds as well to raise awareness of the building of a new bridge and most of the townsfolk seemed oddly indifferent. I strongly hope I don't wind up paying for the entire thing myself.


I firmly believe I've done enough Mayory type things so I opted to wanted around the shops

Lyle. Something about him. Something about him seems off. I swear I bought insurance from him once.

Having donated pretty much all of my money to town projects I needed a means to cheer myself up so I spent several hours trying on hats. Can you believe they seriously want one million bells for a tiny crown? This establishment should be honored that I even consider shopping at their store!


Having lost my will to live due to how poor I am I decided to go home and cry myself to sleep.

Day 4: Summer Islands in Summer

Last time on Jocund days in Parm; nothing interesting happened. Hopefully today won't be nearly as shitty!

Another day, another day of doing my Mayoral rounds.

 
Talking to some of the residents of my town enlightened me that a stranger named Sahara was wandering around town peddling carpets and wallpapers. I hardly had to seek her out as Sahara wandered into me and offered to give me a sweet set of wallpaper and carpet for a measly 3,000 bells. The deal was to good to be true so I accepted, she even offered to install it herself.

I'm actually really impressed with how it turned out.

A Mayor is only worth as much as his hat. Since I didn't have one I obviously was worthless as a mayor. With the addition of this skull hat my wards and enemies will quake with both fear and admiration for their Mayor.

With my newfound symbol of power I made the round engaging all of the citizens in light discourse and for some reason being roped into giving a fish to Melba for "Science".

As it began to rain I remembered that Tortimer invited me to his island paradise and he promised that a ferry would be available today. Luckily he's a man of his word and a Kappa named Kapp'n waiting for me at the docks. For 1,000 bells he promised me safe passage to the island. At the time it seemed like an exorbitant price.

The trip to the Island was pretty nice. Kapp'n sung me some sea shanty’s on the way there. We also didn't sink and or die which was quite pleasant.

I could not find Tortimer on the island at large, but it was inhabitted by what I assume is Kapp'ns family as three additional Kappas run the three shops on the island. Leilani, who I assume is his wife, runs the islands attraction which she calls "tours". To the best of my knowledge the tours are just games as the island doesn't exactly have much to it. There is also Lelia who's Kapp'n daughter and has big aspirations of picking up the merchants trade. Hopefully Leila will get the opportunity to apprentice under Tom Nook who is an accomplished merchant himself.

The island itself definitely had a "summer" feel to it, which goes without saying since its summer. Even if the climate seemed underwhelming the island teemed with life, plenty of fish surrounded the island and it was teeming with wild fruits and bugs ripe for catching. Like any responsible mayor I spent hours carefully capturing and cataloguing everyone to make sure that it posed no danger to my citizenry. The fact that I sold everything I caught at a profit was just icing on the cake for the glory of protecting my town.

As it started to get later in the evening I packed up what I had and shoved off the island. On the way back I realized Kapp'n didn't really believe in personal boundaries.

Isabelle was most likely worried about where I had been for most of the day so I retrned to my office to hear the good news that I finally had a 100% approval rating. Normally this would be meaningless to me but it gives me the power to build and destroy so I'm more then happy to go out of my way to maintain it.

 It was getting late and I wanted to do the rounds once more before I turned in. Antonio on the other hand wanted to make it perfectly clear that I shouldn't push myrself despite the fact that I'm Mayor. As much as I appreciate the concern I think Antonio best watch himself, no one likes a nosey aardvark.

Day 3: Misunderstanding intentions

Work. Work never changes. Being Mayor is one of the hardest jobs and requires insurmountable dedication. If I slacked just once the town of Parm would be thrown into chaos and anarchy burning itself to cinders. Shit. I should see if Lyle can get me insurance on the town.

 

As Mayor of Parm its my duty to water EVERY SINGLE FLOWER, or so Isabelle told me. For some reason I'm sceptic but I got a free watering can out of it so I'm not going to complain.

Apple, one of the towns residents, invited me to come by her (I think its a girl?) place.  It seemed weird at the time but all Apple wanted was to show off her oddly Apple-centric pad. She even gave me a Blue-trim wall which was pretty sweet. Unfortunately I cannot entertain the luxuries of the commoners so I have to put my Mayoral duties before my personal hobbies. Basically I bounced the fuck out of there after getting my hands on some choice swag.

Back at the Office Isabelle gave me the run-down on how to better raise my approval ratings. Recycling seems like a pretty popular topic in Parm so I've decided to forgo plans on tax reform and just focus on sorting my garbage every night. Isabelle also dropped the bombshell that the former Mayor was in town making sure that I hadn't ruined everything in the three days he's been gone, which to be perfectly frank, worried me a bit. Isabelle told me that he wanted to meet me by the docks. I practically soiled myself. The only reason anyone demands a meeting at the docks is if they wanted to give you a new pair of cement shoes. I inquired as whether or not he could possibly meet me in my office or any place where there would be witnesses but Isabelle assured me everything would be fine.

Several ours of crying in the fetal position later...

Turned out the former mayor, a Mr.Tortimer, is actually just an eccentric coot. Which was quite a relief. He invited me to visit his island paradise and promised that there would be bitches. Well he didn't promise that but I'm sure it was implied.

After the many heart attacks I almost succumbed to earlier I was more then happy to go about my Mayoral duties. One of which is skulking about and rooting out any ne’er-do-wells or illegals who show up. Today must have been my lucky (read: unlucky) day because I found a strange pelican washed up on shore. He seemed unconscious and no one wanted to interact with him out of fear that he would murder them horribly. This inspired no confidence in me.

After many attempts to rouse him "Gulliver" as he calls himself told me that he was a sailor who became separated from his ship. He seemed like an amicable enough fellow if not somewhat forgetful I extended an offer that he stay in town until he felt well enough to leave but he refused after asking me to help him figure out where he was originally going. After promising me a souvenir he wandered off.

Today had definitely been a weird day thus far and I decided to spend the rest of it fishing. I managed to reel in some nice catches and donated them all to the towns museum, which much to my surprise was devoid of anything. Blathers seemed incredibly grateful for the donations, but it made me wonder why the previous mayor or the residents had never bothered to donate anything before hand. This didn't sit right with me at all.

 
Later that evening Apple mentioned to me that I had gained the title of "Freshman Mayor". I can't for the life of me tell how I should feel about it. Maybe in time I'll gain some context but for now I think its best to wait and learn as much as I can about this town. 

Day 2: Or how I became indebted to a racoon

Man, yesterday was interesting. I scored a choice plot of land but not before the odd town full of animals appointed me their new liege. Today's my first day of being Mayor and the day I get to see my house.

Its... kind of underwhelming. I get the feeling that maybe not everyone respects the title of "Mayor" if this is their idea of a "House". Maybe it will be bigger on the inside?

Shoot. I'm not even mad. Like totally not mad in the slightest. Actually I don't feel like I've been ripped off at all. :I

And so I went to the Town Hall to drown my sorrows in work.

Isabelle asked me how my unpacking went so I told her about how I didn't exactly own anything and her response was pretty hilarious. She's got chutzpah.

Isabelle oddly enough required some reassurance that I was "really, really, like honesty ready" then she laid down some bad news. I need something called a "Permit" before I can actually build anything. I asked Isabelle why their leader would need permission to do things and she told me that it was to keep me from going mad with power. I would feel insulted if it weren't for how likely that outcome is.

On the upside getting the permit is pretty easy. All I need is to have a high approval rating which sounds easy enough. I guess I'd probably raise it by talking to the villagers or by planting flowers or something. I could probably raise it up to max in a few days.

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff-

I don't really need to build anything right now anyway. Today shall instead be a day of jubilations of my newfound power.

And so I went fishing.

Awwwwwww yuuuuus. With all the fish I'm reeling in I can probably get a home expansion. Speaking of expansions I should probably see Nook anyway about the whole "My House is a goddamn shed" problem.

On my way to Main Street I was greeted by an odd sight. A perfectly wrapped present with a red ribbon tied into a neat bow slowly and deliberately floated around my town with the aid a balloon. I currently lacked any means of knocking it from the air so I'm left to merely ponder what kind of person spends all that time creating a floating present if there is a good chance it might just wind up in the ocean.

When I walked in Nook said some words. Words I did not terribly agree with. When I told him about how I wasn't thrilled with my accommodations he told me that I could get an expansion for a modest fee. Nook slipped me some forms and asked me to sign them, I naturally obliged. Why wouldn't I want to sign a contract without reading it?

This is going to be one of those days isn't it? :I

One signed contract later

I can't tell how badly I've been shafted yet so I think I might want to look into ways of making some good money. I wonder if there is a drug trade here?

Lets be honest. We all knew where this was going. Fishing. I spent the rest of the day fishing. Fuck responsibility. Seriously ain't no one got time for that.

Day 1: How I became Lord of the Lands

As I am the hardest of hardcore gamers I purchased Animal Crossing New Leaf, and this blog is dedicated to my exploits in said game. So if you for some reason have an aversion to screenshots and reaction text (because you're a loser) then ya'll better get out of here because that's pretty much all you'll be finding here. So without further ado my first day in New Leaf:

I arrived via train after meeting with Rover, the beloved face of the Animal Crossing series. We exchanged the usual pleasantries of setting the clock  and deciding what face I would have. I was however pleasantly surprised to get a say in the broad layout of my town even if I was only given four separate option.

I liked how the station had a nice rustic "small town" feel to it. I wasn't given much time to look around as I was immediately thrown into the proverbial lions den.

 

 Once outside I was met by a cabaret of people proclaiming me their new god-king. Suffice to say I accepted.

 

 After moseying on over to my new office I was told by a dog that had been following me that she was meant to be my secretary. She calls herself Isabelle. Personally? I like her moxie.

 

Isabelle told me that they didn't have any sort of castles or mansions laying around that they would give me, but directed me to a "Tom Nook" person. She told me that he would set me up. Honestly I feel a tad apprehensive about this plan.

  Tom Nook seemed like an amicable fellow he gave me the lay of the land and told me I could have my mansion built anywhere I wanted. He decided it would be best if he went with me to expedite the paperwork involved in turning the land over to me. Naturally this hindered my ability to explore.
 

I chose a plot of land close to both the river and one of the towns stores, that way I could easily turn over any fish I caught. However I was told by Nook that construction of my house wouldn't start until I gave him "bells". Frankly I don't understand why he would want payment via musical instruments. On the upside he decided to lend me a tent until I can obtain these bells for him.

Now that I'd obtained a place to sleep I returned to the Mayors Office to ask Isabelle what my duties are as the resident man in charge. Her response was to shove a bunch of forms in my face and demand I fill them up. I didn't ask for this.

 Next thing I know I'm dragged out to the middle of town and told that as my first act as Mayor I will be planting a tree to mark a "New Beginning" for the town. I can't be imagining things when I think that that's a pretty dark statement. It actually makes me wonder why I was immediately elected to an office that should have been filled when I arrived. Que Sera Sera, I guess.

Isabelle told me to take the day off in order to get a feel for the town. Being a fresh face in town I opted to introduce myself to the many residents. Melba, Antonio, Apple, Alfonso, and Camofrog. These five are now more or less my wards, so its best that I make sure they are at least comfortable around me... or I at least need to feel comfortable around them.

After getting a well enough feel for the town at large I decided to visit Nook and inquire as to what bells were. My to my embarrassment he explain that bells were the local currency and that before my house would even be built I'd have to front 10,000 bells. Suddenly I liked Nook a lot less. Luckily he's afforded me time to scrounge up the bells and won't force me into homelessness yet.

Nooks Real Estate office is situated along Main Street along with many other establishments like a tailor, museum and the town post office. I made sure to pop in and alert them that there was a change in management.

Money. I needed it bad. Without it my future was one where I'd be spending all winter neck deep in snow. One of the townsfolk told me that sometimes money comes out of rocks. I had nothing to lose to I borrowed a shovel and started smacking a rock. Lo and behold 18,000 bells magicked itself into existence, not being one to question go fortune I pocketed all of it.

Ol' Tom was pretty surprised when I strolled into his office with a hefty bag of bells. We made the exchange and he promised I'd have a house by tomorrow. I don't see how anything bad could come of this.

 Since there was still time left in the day I decided to spend it digging holes. I assumed nothing would come of it but apparently this is a town where fossils occur in topsoil. Mysteries upon mysteries.
 

One can only dig so many holes before he tires. Feeling a sense of success unheard of for a person who hadn't done a single things at attain his status, so I decided to turn in. The tent was much bigger on the inside then it looked but that didn't change the face that I'm sleeping on the ground. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will sleep on the floor of an ACTUAL HOUSE!